If Today Was Your Last Day
by JNHwwe
Summary: Jeff Hardy is blaming himself, then is angry at the world insted. Will Jeff ever find the love of his music and wrestling again? Jeff/OC ... It's and AU FIC. The Undertaker/Mark, Matt ... Very little Slash far in ... More about Jeff's Emotions : R AND R
1. Chapter 1

HEY! Another story … it will be slash with OC … but go for it … it concentrates more on Jeff for a long time … so no slash if any not till a long way away lol. Read and review

Disclaimer: You know I don't own lol … And it isn't true to real like … More AU.

"Kiddo! … Kid! Wake up"

I heard banging on the wooden door as I was woke from my slumber, the twist of the door handle and light footsteps walk into my room. Both my mom and dad were standing there looking at me, waiting for me to wake up and actually acknowledge them.

"No"

"Come on, it's your first day back"

"Mom, one more day please?"

"No … No Jeffy no more, your never going to go back"

"Dad?" I look at him questioning him.

"One more can't hurt"

"No"

"Ple…"

"No before you say anything, we are going downstairs get ready and be down for breakfast, because you are going to have some then its school" My mom told me in a stern way.

With that my dad who seems very whipped right about now followed my mom out the door and I fell back on to the bed. Today is going to one of the longest days of my life. How the hell can I actually do this? My head is killing me. The late night and drinking doesn't help I must admit but with or without the slight hangover which the parents don't know about, It still can't be done. I just keep staring at my bedroom ceiling and hoping it will give me some answers, no one else can, nothing else can … Why not try this I guess …

"HALF HOUR JEFFY!"

That's why …

"YES I KNOW" I yelled back at her.

"How the hell am I going to get through this?"

I ask myself more rhetorical questions while wanting to rip my eyes out and getting ready for the day of hell. I run into the bathroom wash up a little, do the hair and pick out a get up for the day. Band shirt, black jeans, black hoodie, vans and my necklace. I pick it up from my bedside table and hold it in my hands. Looking down at the cross, I clasp it into my palm and let the corners dig into my skin. I take a deep inhale of air and blink back a few times before putting it round my neck. I open the door and look into the hall, close my room door behind me and head towards the staircase. I stop in front of the door on the left before I get to the decent and sit in front of I, my back leaning on it my head hitting back off it too. I just keep staring up at the light, I don't know if I'm looking for more answers of if I'm just stalling, o it's hitting me. All three I think to be honest.

"Why?!"

"Why?!" I bang the back of my head off the door with every questioning and I just keep asking as if it would give me an answer.

I hear footsteps come towards to stairs and stand up quickly, my dad see's me.

"Everything's going to be fine Kid."

"How do you know?"

"It will have to be"

I just stare at him. I can't do or say anything back to it.

"Come on, let go downstairs"

I don't say anything and just follow.

"Hey Hun, some toast is on the counter for you."

"I'm fine thanks"

"Jeffy, please just eat a little bit"

"I'll eat at school Mom, serious I'll be cool"

"Jeff please, just eat it, it's not much plus when your at sch…"

"Please shhh, my head is killing me, if I eat some will you stop nagging me?"

"Yes"

I bite into the toast and feel it go down. Not in the best ways, but it shuts her up I guess. I eat enough to make her shut up and take a drink of orange which is beside the plate and grab my bag and Ipod.

"Right, go quick, your going to be late."

"Okay, okay I'm going"

"Have a good day Kid, you need us ring us and we can talk" My dad always one for been technical.

"I'm so proud of you Hun"

"Yeah"

"Go! We are making you even more late"

I nod and walk for the door I go to strap my skateboard to my bag and halt at the door. Shit!

"Mom"

She carries on rushing round the house and getting ready for work.

"Mom!"

Still not hearing, my head is spinning. Why didn't I think of this?

"MOM!"

"Jeffy!?"

"I can't get to school"

"Yes you can … You always get a ride from…"

She stops mid sentence and looks at my face. It drops more than it already had. Why didn't any of us think of this?

"Fuck this"

I throw my board and bag down in the corner of the stairs and run up the stairs.

"JEFFY!"

I slam my room door shut and throw myself to the bed and cover my head with my pillow hoping it will shut out the world and I can wake up and put this as a nasty dream. I laugh sonically at my thoughts.

"Pretty long fuckin' dream yeah?"

"What Jeffy?"

I flip round and see my mom standing at the door. I flip back and burry my face into the cushiony item.

"Go away" I replied even though it was muffled.

"Jeffy you can't hide forever"

"All I need is one more day"

"No … You have had a lot of days Jeffrey, we have planned this for a while, now come on I'll drop you off"

"I would rather walk"

"You will be late"

"I don't care"

"I do … He would too"

"Stop it"

She stops and sniffs I know I'm making this hard for her, but it's so fucked up.

"Jeffy please … just let me drive you … I know it wont be the same."

"Nothing is ever going to be the same."

"Jeffy… Please?"

"I can't …Tomorrow I promise you … But not now … Not after this"

"Okay, I'll let your dad know … Huni I know this is going to be so difficult for you, it is for us. It will get really bad at times but we have each other and things will get that little bit easier on you"

"I'll believe it when I see it"

She just looks over at me and strokes my back.

"Huni we have to go to work okay? … If you need us, ring me or your dad okay?"

I shake my head and make no movement to say goodbye or wave. She sighs leaves the room and I'm left in silence. I wait to hear the door slam and then wait until I can hear the cars leave before I even look up.

I get up and sit on the edge of my bed, I don't want to move, but if I don't I know I never will. I get up and open my bedroom door for the second time this morning. I walk down the hall and stop at the door on the left. I put my hand on the handle and turn it slightly. My heart I can feel it racing and my eyes sting. I let go of it and turn round back to the place I was before my dad came up the stairs. I take off my hoodie and drop it beside the door. I lean back and slam my head off the back of it. I take the necklace off and clasp it again tight in my hand. I can only say one thing to it...

"Why?"

"Just please answer me … Why?"

I stay there most of the day asking that question … I still can't find the answer.

**Well there ya go :) first chapter done … pretty easy … Erm … READ AND REVIEW IF YOU WANT MORE! Thanks kids :) xox**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for the reviews they make my day :) … Here is the second chapter to it.**

**I am going to use a different name just out of respect for Jeff and Matt's mother, it will just be random, but Gil as everyone knows him The Legend lol … So here it is :)**

_Flashback_

"_I'm out"_

"_No your not"_

"_Yeah I am I have that small gig to play"_

"_Yeah Jeff I know that, but you are to young you are getting to far into your fun and music than an actual job, now can you just stay into watch a few films with Matt see how things go?"_

"_Mom! Come on it's one gig! … A few hours and I'll be homes in bed then I get up and out at school the next day"_

"_Jeffrey Nero Hardy do as your mother said"_

"_I will right after this gig"_

"_Look we are going out for a meal okay? … You are to stay in and do some work for once"_

"_I'm out!"_

"_Jeffy!"_

_Jeff ran out the door and didn't stop despite his parent's disagreement._

"_Matty, we are going to go son, you okay?"_

"_Yeah mom I'm cool, may give Amy a call"_

"_Okay son, love you bye"_

"_Bye son"_

"_Bye Mom, bye Dad!"_

……………… _Later in the night_

"_Oh My God … Jeffy please pick up the phone … Please Son pick up the phone"_

_With Lilly on the chair Gil's arms wrapped round her shaking frame, not steadying her much as he was shaking just as much, both bodies racking with tears. Family all over the house, ambulance, police … Everyone gone … Everyone._

_Hours later_

_Jeff came bouncing in, looking at all the cars on the edge of the curb and near his house. He walked in through the door to have so many pairs of eyes on him, eyes all red._

"_Where's Matt?"_

_Lilly broke down in tears, not been able to speak to her youngest son as of lack of air. She ran over to him and hugged him. Gil pulled his mother off his son and held him too._

"_Where is he?_

"_He's gone Jeffy"_

"_What?"_

"_Jeffy … We lost him"_

_Jeff stood there looking at his dad hearing crying in the back ground off his mother and others, he stood there looking like he was trying to work out a maths problems._

"_No"_

"_Jeffrey please, just listen to me … You don't know everything about it yet an…"_

_He ran up the stair and ran into his room; he looked around then ran out of his door and into the one on the left pushing it open. His breath caught in his throat and tears pricked up in the corners of his eyes. The room was trashed. He fell to his knees and started to run through paper, flipping each bit over and over._

"_Jeffy, no don't! … Please just come down stairs and talk … Please"_

"_No, he left something … He must have a note … or something … or just … AHHH!"_

_His screaming continued and it echoed through the room and down the hall. Gil running down the stairs, he came bounding back up and grabbed Jeff up by his arms hugging him tight._

"_Kid … Jeffrey … Listen to me he left you a note, he left you something"_

_Jeff then grabbed the items. He glared at his parents._

"_Get out … GO!"_

_When they left him he then put the note down by his legs as he crashed to the floor. He took the other item into his hands and squeezed it tight just like he was his eyes, _

"_I''m not going to cry"_

_He took the necklace out of his grasp and looked it over; the metal cross which always hung around his neck was placed into his hands. The intricate design that always adorned his neck was now in his hands, and then moved to round his neck as he laced it on and clasped it round his own throat._

_He pulled the note from the floor and flipped it open. Tears blurred his vision and one single tear dripped from his eye and cascaded down to the paper. He flipped it back and covered it with both hands before reading it. He picked his weight up from the floor of is brother bedroom and turned off the light, not before looking back and stepping back in. He then turned back on the light and gathered all the paper up and placed in on his desk._

"_Why? … How could you do this? … I need you here Matt, you're my big brother! … Why did you have to go?"_

_He cried his last few tears and then turned off the light._

"_Bye Matt … See you soon"_

_He closed the door behind him and took a deep breath of air. He walked over to his bedroom and landed on his bed. Covering himself with the hoodie on the floor next to his bed … It was Matt's._

_He clenched his eyes shut and waited for the horrible dream to be over with._

"_Why Matty? … Why wasn't I here? … Why did you leave me?"_

_Questions rolled through his mind all night until sleep over took his body and he finally woke up to the sounds of people downstairs and someone that somewhat closer._

"_Jeff!"_

"_Jeff!"_

"JEFF!! WAKE UP!"

"What?"

"Wake up Kido time for school"

"Am up"

"Thank-you Jeffy"

"No problem Mom"

With that she walked over to my door and left me in silence. Damn that fucking dream. It always happens; I replay what happens all the damn time.

"I can't deal with this shit anymore"

"What was that Jeff?" My dad comes in asking.

"Can't I have some privacy please?" I snap at him.

"Sorry Kid" He goes to walk away.

"Dad no wait am sorry, I'm just stressed it been my first day back and all, you know?"

"Yeah Kid, I'm not expecting it to be easy on you … But hey come on you get to go back to music again … excited about that?"

"…. Erm … yeah … a little bit yeah."

"Awsome, well you mom will drop you off and I have to go early but if you need me ring me okay?"

"Yeah Dad no problem."

"I'll see you tonight"

"Bye" … Music .. is he insane .. I hate it … Well now I do. Anyways I have to get ready for today.

I run down the stairs because I know I can not prolong the day any longer so I slip into the kitchen without having to endure another breakfast.

"You ready?"

"Yeah, just need to get my Ipod and board"

"Okay sweetie"

The drive there was nerve racking to say the least. I don't know I think this was as difficult to my mom as it was to me. Matt and I always went to school together … Never hung around each other but we always drove together. The drive is a good 15 minutes and every so often a question is asked or a comment is passed but nothing good. We just keep thinking how weird this is … I've never been drove by mom to school. We pull up at the front, a few people look because they know it's me … Great!

Not to many people care, everyone knows it's been over a month nearly two now, but still only a few friends have came to see me, Shannon especially. No matter how hard I try to push him and the others away they don't really care what I want and stay anyways … I guess I'm lucky with that. My mom stops the car and takes my hand in hers.

"I love you so much Jeffrey"

"I love you too mom"

"This is so difficult Hun I know it is but it will be okay, you have got to keep strong"

"I'll try"

"Good, I'll see you tonight hun … Unless you are going out with your friends?"

"I doubt it, not really feeling up to it"

"You should Jeff, You never use to be in the house" She laughs trying to make a small joke.

"Things change I guess" I look at her with a sad look on my face … I really don't want to do this.

"I don't think I can do this mom"

"Go on Kid, I know you can … Seriously … Bye hun"

I step out the car, pull up my hood and shout my goodbye. Then I take the walk. I walk up the path which leads to the main entrance, already a lot of pairs of eyes are on me, so god help what it's going to be like inside. My phone chimes out Three Days Grace's Riot which says I have a text.

"Dude, if u r in 2day cum up 2 the music hall, we r chillin 2 cold outside nd we r killen sum awsum songs lol – shan x" I read out loud and then laugh to myself.

Shannon, no matter what never forgets the X at the end with me. I walk up to the music hall in question and I keep my head low knowing everyone is staring straight at me. I slip into the room and I'm greeted the way I need to be.

"Dude! Nice to see you again"

"Nice to see you to Shan"

"How you doing without everything of the past events in question?"

This is why I love Shannon, no joke, no seriousness … Just we love each other.

"Have you ever wanted to scream at people who stare straight at you "YES MY BROTHER KILLED HIMSELF NOW STOP STARING"

"Mmmm I can't say it's on my list of things to do"

"Good let's keep it that way."

"So … How's everything?" Serious Shannon comes alive.

"Okay, could be better, but just gotta get back into the swing of thins I guess"

"I'm here if you need me, as you already know"

"Yeah Shan no problem … Hey I thought there was more than you here?"

"Yeah, Adam and Jay have gone for food and Trish and Maria or running late… Speaking of the devils"

All four walk in and run to hug me. I have kind of shut them out the past month or two.

We talk more and catch up until it's time for first class. For me and Shannon it's totally cool we are in all the same classes, so we walk up and the morning consists of English, maths and Art. Lunch …. Then the dreaded music. It's not so dreaded … I love it … But I don't want to play. I can't not anymore … I just can't bring myself to play. I can't.

"You coming Jeff?"

"No"

"Jeff come on … I know you still love it."

"I'm not coming in"

"We have a new guy coming in, he is meant to really kick ass."

"No thanks"

"I know you still love it."

"Well your wrong Shannon"

"Bullshit"

"I don't want to argue Shan"

"We ain't arguing we are discussing it" He said with a smile that can make anyone laugh.

"Just say I had to go home."

"Jeff!"

"Please Shan, I will beg if I have to just please, I can't face music, not this time"

"You haven't picked up a guitar in so long"

"I know and with good reason"

"You have to stop thinking like that Jeff"

"I can't"

"It will take some emotion out of you. I know all you do is bottle it up"

"I'm fine"

"No your not"

"Shannon!?"

"Okay I'll stop … For today and tell him, but you will literally have to face the music some time or another"

"I'll try tomorrow"

"Fine, See you later" He started to walk away "Oh by the way are you coming out tonight?"

"For what?"

"Boarding, Chillage, Music … What ever … You up for it?"

"I'll see"

"Okay I'll see you after class Kid"

"By Shannon"

Even he calls me kid. Everyone does, Matt came up with it.

Matt … Fuck I keep thinking about him while walking from the music rooms. I'm in a world of my own and bump into something.

I fall back slightly only to be caught by a slightly taller and more built guy.

"Sorry, in a world of my own"

"No problem Kid, You in music?"

"Erm … No I don't do it" Okay a lie … But I don't care I don't know the guy.

"Ahh Okay, you look like the type" He laughed. Then pointed at me, waiting for me to say my name and fill in the blank for him.

"Jeff … And you?"

"Ash"

"Cool, well see you round dude"

"Bye"

Odd to say the least, I look like the type for music, no matter how true that can actual be … It's odd, plus he called me Kid, do I fucking wear that as a name badge?

I now have two hours to kill … I would normally just have a huge break right about now with Matt.

Fuck! … I have got to stop thinking about that shit. Think of something else. What I'm doing tonight? … Erm I could go out, or watch Uncle Mark on the TV … Or go out and forget the whole thing has ever happened.

Drink until it goes, has been working well so far.

I'll just wait it out.

Yeah that seems like a good plan. I just can't let the parents know. The have already lost one. I can't put them through that again.

**Thank You soooo much READ AND REVIEW and we shall see how this goes, tell me wha you think :) xoxox**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you guys again, you reviews make me smile and here is the 3****rd**** chapter tell me what you think :)**

"Right yes … Mmmhmm … Yes I will let him know … No thank you everything is fine, I'll let him know … Yes you can do that, that is no problem at all … I'll go have words with him now, Thank you for calling, goodbye"

"JEFFREY!"

"What?" I shouted while running down the stair case jumping the bottom few steps.

"I just had a phone call off the school"

"Oh that's nice … I guess"

"Hey leave the attitude else where, why the hell haven't you been going to music?" Why, why on the morning, like I don't dread this shit enough, this just makes it worse.

"I don't know I can't be bothered I guess"

"Can't be bothered?"

"Nope"

"Well that doesn't cut it"

"So, it's after lunch, I get board and chill out, I really can't be dealing with music at the end of the day"

"So is that it, no remorse that your parents now know?"

"Pretty much yeah"

"Gil!"

"Yes Hun?"

"Talk to him, I have to get ready and the attitude is kicking in again"

"Jeff" My father said stepping in with an exasperated tone.

"What?"

"Jeffy, what the hell are we going to do with you?"

"I don't know, it's only music, it's not like I'm missing English or all them other subjects you parents seem to love"

"Like you even care about them"

"I don't care about a lot right at this moment"

Before my dad can answer me back my mom comes back in and takes over again.

"Well you better start, because you are getting someone to escort you to music and make sure you stay in it too."

"What?!"

"Yes Jeff, now go finish up and get going I can give you a lift"

"I don't want one"

"Whatever"

I go back up the stairs and get ready, getting yelled at to hurry up. And am back down stairs then in the car in 10 minutes, from the minute I get placed outside the school to the moment I walk in there I am getting watched like a hawk.

School, you have just got to hate the place, it's always the same. You get judged, you get looked at, you get hated, but don't worry if you are perfect, you are loved by all and your whole life through school is just a simple playground … Shame really that I wasn't one of them type of people. I'm more the stand alone or few friends around and that's all I need type of guy. The freak who loves his music, wrestling, weird clothing, who is nothing like his cool older brother, and now I have the label of that's the one who killed him self's little brother. Never fun when you hear those whispers. Now while at my locker waiting for Shannon for out next lesson I can hear just those whispers. I open the locker and take out a few things slam it shut and head for the door only to be dragged back by some weight.

"Oh no you don't" Spoke Shannon in one of the most annoying cocky voices ever heard.

"Shannon!"

"What I'm just saving your ass, now get to class"

And this is how it has gone all day. Shannon stopping me from leaving, if only I could have done that for someone …

If I just noticed, just stopped looking into my self obsessed life and took time to notice that something was wrong with my so called fine brother if I wasn't so into my own life I still might have him here beside me and I wouldn't be feeling like shit everyday and every night.

"Jeff, come on get your ass here"

"No, please dude, no"

"Get your ass inside now, the new guy is finally started to teach us this week, he wants to get to know us, Mr. Towns is just sitting back, something to do with him and training and blah blah blah, either way I see this as a free easy lesson, now please come on get in!"

"Well if it's free and easy I would rather see one of the sluts then go in there."

"Look you know you will be in more shit if you skip again"

"Yes Mr. Hardy you will be indeed" Said Mr. Town's from behind us.

"Damn" I curse to myself.

"Inside" He says sternly while his head motions towards the door in one swift shake.

Shannon opened the door and pushed me inside. Once inside the hall I can see a lot of people practising all different talents, and the new teacher bang in the middle of the stage, legs hanging over the edge and his dark brown eyes glare into me.

"So it's either one of three things: 1. which it better be, and is you transferred your lesson no matter how late, number 2. You don't belong here so get out of your friends class or number 3. You're the infamous Jeff Hardy and welcome to you first music class, you lied"

"I'll let you take the most educational guess." He wants' to play the sarcasm game, he can, but I am not in the mood.

"Well you can go first then, that's my guess"

"Go first with what?" I am not in the mood with games with a guy who is really pissing me off at the moment.

"Ash said we had to come up with a performance, so we can show the class and him and he can take in a get a feel of what he is working with." Shannon said, by this time quite a few of the class had noticed I was in again and eyes were all on me and Ash.

"I got nothing"

"Lies again" Stated Ash … Who the hell does this guy think he is.

"Look I have nothing, I never knew we had to perform simple, I'm not ready"

"Oh but you are, I know a lot about you Jeff, and you have a lot of talent, use it, you did last year, go for it, You were awfully cocky last year with it."

"Oh and you would know?"

"I know a lot of things kid, like I know you have to get up on that stage and sing, dance, play a solo on any instrument you want, do something musical other than arguing with me, because no matter how much you think it is, you voice isn't an instrument, as it's not music to my ears … So get to it"

"I'll try this tomorrow" Said with a smug smile from yours truly.

"There are 13 steps to the top of them doors Jeff, which means each one you take you get an hour on to your school life when everyone is home"

I turn round and see a smug smile staring me down. This is the last thing I need right now an argument from a higher power.

"13 hours of detention?"

"Would you believe I have no life and this is my only way of entertainment?"

"Try getting laid" That was a push which I will regret but right now he wants to spar I will give him just that.

"Funny Mr. Hardy, that is and instant 2 hours tonight"

"Whatever" I turn my back and move up 2 steps, each one I take Ash's voice echoes saying "and another, and another hour"

"Are you insane?" I throw myself back around.

"Perform then"

"Nope" I glare my eyes into his.

"Well I will see you after class Mr. Hardy.

I sigh and slam myself down onto a chair and watch the others take their turn in performing. With a talking to from Shannon saying how much of an ass clown I was and 30 minutes of drawing the two hour lesson was over quick. Not to forget the 3 hours I had in store. I stood up with Shan and went to walk out with him just to go have a break before my time is going to start.

"Where do you think you are going?" Ash questioned.

"To get a drink, a break from this hell to come"

"Nice try, you will in about a half hour" He retorted back.

"What the hell are you trying to prove by doing this, this whole 3 hour thing?"

"I could ask you the same thing to be fair Jeff"

"And how the hell is that?"

"Easy, why are you so adamant on not doing this, why are you trying to back away from this lesson, and performance and one of your talents?"

"Just shut the fuck up"

Okay this is called a block I know, I just … I don't even know this guys and he is trying to talk to me like I am one of his best friends with a problem. I am totally fine, bar this lesson, which I can easily dodge therefore no problem and I am happy. I take a glance up and at least he has backed up off me, he's off doing something, god knows what, like I care to be honest.

My thoughts over take me and the sudden interruption is a shock to the system.

"Kid, I gotta go"

"What 3 hours up already?"

"Like hell, you will serve them tomorrow night" He laughed.

"Thought you had nothing else better to do"

"That I lied about and I do, I have a shit load of music to catch up on and yes I realise I swore In front of you but lets be truthful here I think we have crossed that line as you so caringly put it, what was it now "Just shut the fuck up" Was it?"

"Sorry about that"

"It's no problem, swear at me all you like, hate me all you want, threaten me, make a voodoo doll of me, scream at me even hit me. But don't ever waste a chance for music, you of all people I would of thought knew that"

"Why me of all people?"

"Because, you I heard were the best here"

"No, not so much, not anymore"

"Why not now?"

"Yeah, shouldn't you be going and doing your … erm … whole music deal thing?"

"…Yeah, anyways … See ya Jeff, and remember back to detention tomorrow."

"Got it"

With that Ash left and I just sat there, what the hell can I make of that? Don't waste a chance for music, I wouldn't have … I never use to … I didn't and look where that left me?

I may have played that one show, but how long can I know that if I didn't play that show, I might still have a brother at the end of the day.

**Thank you again guys Read and Review … The teacher is one of my older Teachers name lol and Ash is just my OC :) So please READ AND REVIEW and let me know :)**


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